Wife ne paise dekar kaha: Kuch aisi cheez laana jis se main
aapko SUNDAR dikhu.
Husband khud k liye Whisky ki 2 Bottle le aaya..
___________________________________
Ek admi ki Wife kidnap ho jaati hai aur kidnappers uske
Husband ko phone lagate hai:
"Agar aaj raat tak paise na diye toh
tumhari biwi ko maar denge!"
Husband khamosh raha.........
.
Agle din phir phone aya "Agar aaj
raat tak paise na diye toh tumhari biwi
ke tukde-tukde karke cheel-kauwon ko khila denge!"
Husband khamosh raha.........
Agle din phir phone aya "Agar aaj
raat tak paise na diye toh tumhari biwi
tumhe sahi-salamat lauta di jayegi.."
Husband: "Paise bol
kaminey, darata kisko hai?!"
________________________________________________
A Gujarati girl goes to a shopkeeper and asks: Bhaiya aapke
yahan rape hota hai kya?Shopkeeper (shocked: Madam, aage ki dukaan mein pooch
lijiye, hum toh nahin karte rape.The girl returns after sometime: Bhaiya woh
toh bol rahe hain yahi hota hai, aapk hi karte hain. Please kar dijiye na,
bahut der ho rahi hai.Shopkeeper (embarassed) Madam please, aap aage dekh
lijiye.Girl: Taking out a gift to be wrapped... bhaiya itna sa toh hai, please
kar dijiye na. Shopkeeper (blushing): Arre madam aisa boliye na wrap karna
hai... Girl: Wahi toh kah rahi un kab se ki rape karwana hai... rape karwana
hai.
Ek Bar Radha Ji Ne Krishna Se Puchha: Gussa Kya Hai..?
Bahut Khubsurat Jawab Mila: Kisi Ki Galti Ki Saza Khud Ko
Dena..!
Ek Bar Radha Ne Krishna Se Puchha: Dost Aur Pyar Me Kya Fark
Hota Hai..?
Krishna Has Kar Bole: Pyar Sona Hai..Aur Dost Heera..Sona
Tut Kar Dubara Ban Sakta Hai..Magar Heera Nahi..!
Ek Bar Radha Ji Ne Krishna Ji Se Puchha: Main Kaha Kaha
Hu..?
Krishna Ne Kaha: Tum Mere Dil Me..Sans Me..Jigar Me..Dhadkan
Me..Tan Me..Man Me..Har Jagah Ho..!
Fir Radha Ji Ne Puchha: Main Kaha Nahi Hu..?
To Krishna Ne Kaha: Meri Kismat Me..!
Radha Ne Shri Krishna Se Puchha: Pyar Ka Asli Matlab Kya
Hota Hai..?
Shri Krishna Ne Has Kar Kaha: Jaha Matlab Hota Hai..Waha
Pyar Hi Kaha Hota Hai..!
Ek Bar Radha Ne Krishna Se Puchha: Apne Mujhse Prem
Kiya..Lekin Shadi Rukmani Se Ki..Aisa Kyu..?
Krishna Ne Haste Hue Kaha: Radhe..Shadi Me Do Log
Chahiye....Aur Hum To Ek Hai....
Jai sri krisna
_____________________________________
There was a couple who had thier relationship since 5 years.
They loved each other a lot. The girl was beautiful and the
boy was faithful.
One day, the girl came to the boy and showed her new pink
eye lenses.
Withing a moment the boy fainted and fell on the floor.
The girl rushed him to the hospital. Special team of doctors
started operating the boy. After waiting for 37 hours, the girl met the doctor.
The doctor said,
"We have found alcohol in your friend's heart."
The girl got shocked and said, "But he never ever had a
drink in his life, how can this be possible?"
Doctor, "Even we are going to research on it. You go to
your home now, you can visit him tomorrow."
The girl hired a taxi and started thinking about the
incident. Then suddenly she heard the song playing in the taxi:
Gulabi aanken jo teri dekhi,
Sharabi yeh dil ho gaya.
Kya hai na whatsapp free hai, toh logo ko kuch bhi bhejo
bohot interest se padhte hai
Send it to your friends and
unko bhi pareshan karo market me naya aaya hai
__________________________________________
Maha PJ
Teacher: 1 se 10 tak
count karke batao...
.
Chota Santa: 1, 2,
3,4,5,7,8,9,10.
.
Teacher : 6 kaha
hai.?
.
.
Santa: aaj subha T.V
pe news bata raha tha:
"ek bus
durghatana me 6 ki maut ho gai...!!"
A negro boarded a bus wth hiz son, conductor.said-
.
.
itni gandi shakal ka baccha maine aaj tak nahi dekha !
Negro gets angry bt sayz nothing n takes a seat near santa.
.
.
Santa- u look angry wat happened ?
Negro- d conductor insulted me !
.
.
.
Santa- to maar saale ko, la apna bandar mujhe pakda de.. Yeh
katega to nahi?
_________________________________
Thought of d day !!!
Delhi elections made
history.........
First time a man has beaten a lady with a jhadu.....
I know at least 13 things about you now:
1. You are holding your phone
2. You are on Whatsapp
3. You just opened my msg.
4. You are now reading it
5. You are human
7. You can't say the letter "P" without separating
your lips
8. You just attempted to do it
9. You are laughing at yourself
10. You have smiles on your face
11. You skipped No.6
12. You just checked to see if there is a No.6
13. You are laughing at this because I caught you..
Hahaha is it true? :)
If u smiled then forward it to ur friends to put a smile on
their faces too
_______________________________________
1 din mujhse kaha Bhagwan ne :Mat kar intezar is janam me
uska, Milna mushkilhai :|Maine bhi keh diya :Lene de maza intezar ka, agle
janam me tomumkin haiPhir Bhagwan ne kaha :Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtaega.
(-_-)Muskura ke maine kaha : Dekhte hain tu kitnameri ruh ko tadpayegaPhir
Bhagwan ne kaha :Hata usse, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milatahuMaine kaha
:Aa niche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra,tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulwata
huGusse mein kaha Bhagwan ne :Mat bhool apni aukat tu to ek insan hai
(>_<)Maine kaha :Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar seaur Saabit kar ki tu
Bhagvan hai..
Santa Called @ HDFC Credit Card Customer Care
A girl picked up the phone
Girl: ..........customer
care mein aapka swaagat hai
Santa: thank u
Girl: mai aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hu??
Santa: kya aap mujhse shaadi karna chahengi??
Girl: jee aapne galat number laga diya hai
Santa: nai nai maine sahi number lagaya hai, aap shaadi
karengi?
Girl: jee mai shaadi mein interested nai hu
Santa: arre madam ek baar offer toh sun lijiye..
Girl: not interested
Santa: Love marriage karengi toh honeymoon mein Switzerland,
Arrange marriage karengi toh Paris..
Girl: jee mai aapse shaadi karna hi nahi chahti toh aap
offer kyu de rahe hai??
Santa: Court marriage ka expense 10,000 Rs
Normal wedding ka expense 7,00,000 Rs
Muslim style wedding mein sirf 200 Rs
Girl: Aapko samajh nahi aata kya?? Mujhe shaadi nahi karni
fir bhi aap offer sunaye ja rhe hain..
Santa: Ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard, jabki hamein
interest nahi hota phir bhi aap naye naye offer ke naam per baar baar call karti rehti hai...
Girl shocked, Santa rocked
Sardar continued...
Sardar called customer care:- Ji meri Bhais mera sim khaa
gayi h & bhag gayi.
Customer care:- To hum kya kare..?
Sardar:- Ji ye puchna tha ke roming to nahi legegi..?
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar road pe potty kar raha tha.
Police ne use pakad liya.
Jab use le jaane lage to sardar bola kanoon ke rakhwalon,
saboot to utha lo...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Yaar toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya
h.
Dukardar:- 1 baal toota to naya Q le rahe ho.
Sardar:- Jo tuta h wo akhiri tha...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Bhai 2 ticket dena.
Conductor:- 2 kyu.
Sardar:- 1 kho jaye to dusra kaam ayega.
Conductor:- Agar dono kho gaye to.
Sardar:- Abe fir paas kab kaam ayega.
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardarji jab exam dene gaye to wo apne saath plumber ko kyun
le gaye..?
Kyunki sardarji ko khabar mili thi ki paper leek ho gaya
h...
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar flight me pilot ka
headphone cheen raha tha.
Pilot:-Ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Accha ji Ticket hum le aur Gaane tum suno...
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardarni:- Please
bike tez na chalao mujhe dar lag raha hai.
Sardar:- Agar tujhe bhi dar lag raha h to meri tarah ankhein
band kar le...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ko chand par
bhejne ka faisla hua.
Aadhe raste jakar sardar rocket se kood gaya or chillaya
"kamino aaj to amawasya h, chand to hoga hi nahi...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
1 Sardar ko exam me
koi sawal nahi aata tha to sardar ne har sawal ke neche |||||||||| lines laga
di or likha Scratch kar ke answer padh lo...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ne apni wife ko 1 whisky ka peg diya to wife:-
Chhiiii !! kitna kadva h.
Sardar:- Aur tu sochti h main roz Ash karta hu...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
1 bar 300 sardar ship me travel kar rahe the lekin sare maar
gaye.
Kese..?
Ship bichme khrab hua to dhaka dene niche uter gaye...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Eak Sardar jungle se ja rha tha to 1 chudail ne use rok ke kha:-
Hu Hu
Ha Ha Ha... Rukja main chudail hu.
Sardar:- Mainu pata h. Teri 1 behan mere naal hi vyaahi hai.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Eak Sardar hotel me murga khane gaya lekin murge ka english
word bhul gaya.
Waiter:- What do u like to
have sir.?
Sardar:- 1 Plate Egg's father...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar plane land hote hi chillane laga:- Banglore aya
Banglore, Balle balle.
Air hostess:- Hello sir be silent. Plz
Sardar:- Ok, anglore aya anglore,alle alle.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Tum kitne saal se jalebi bana rahe ho..?
Halwai:- 30 saal se.
Sardar:- Badi sharm ki baat h tum se aaj tak jalebi sidhi
nahi bani.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar wrong side car chala rha tha to bola:-
O shit, Aaj phir late ho gaya sare log wapas jaa rahe hai...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar 1st time plane me baitha. Jaise hi plane ka agla tyre
upar utha sardar pilot ko maarne laga aur
bola:-
Saale main pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar rha hai.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Biwi:- Jab se hum dono ka divorce hua h tab se tum roz mere
ghar ke samne potty kyon kar jate ho.
Sardar:- Tumko ye btane ke tere bina main bhookha nahi maar
raha hu.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ne 1 aadmi ko jordar tamacha maar diya.
Aadmi:- Maine kya galti ki hai?
Sardar:- Tum saale galti karo, uske liye hum intezaar thodi
karenge.
road has speed limit, bank has money limit, exam has time
limit, life has age limit,
but frndship has no limit
u&me
gudnght
Aadhaar
card :
A Must Must Read
A Scene in
2020...
Operator:
Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?
Operator :
Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah!
Hold on..... My
number is 889861356102049998-45-54610
Operator :
OK... you're... Mr SYED and you're calling from 155, 1st Cross. Panduranga
Nagar, BG Road, Bangalore. . Your home number is 26490786, your office
22211379 and your mobile is 9880088786.
You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator :
We are connected to the system, Sir.
Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator :
That's not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator :
According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher
cholesterol level, sir.
Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?
Operator :
Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator :
You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library
last week, sir.
Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones
then.
Operator :
That should be enough for your family of 07. Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator :
I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and
you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including
the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and
withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator :
You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft
limit.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the
cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator :
About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it
on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator :
According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration
number 7786
Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my
motorcyle number too!)
Operator :
Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me
that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator :
We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In
the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.
Customer: teri
Operator:
Better mind your language sir. Remember on 10th July 1986 you were imprisoned
for 3 days and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a
policeman...?
Customer faints...😀😛😀 aur banao Aadhaar Card ...
Jab
Musharaf
Pakistan
Se
Bhag
Sakta
Hai,
Salman
Bodyguard
Bun
Sakta
Hai,
Pappu
Pass
Ho
Sakta
Hai,
Munni
Badnam
Ho
Sakti
Hai,
Shila
Jawan
Ho
Sakti
Hai,
Pyaaz
80 rs
Kilo
Ho
Sakta
Hai,
Saniya
Pakistan
Me
Shadi
Kar
Sakti
Hai,
Character
Dheela
Ho
Sakta
Hai,
7 Khoon
Maaf
Ho
Sakte
Hai,
Mallika
Jalebi
Bai
Ho
Sakti
Hai,
12
Mahine
Me
12
Tarike
Se
Pyaar
Ho
Sakta
Hai.
To
Fir
Main
14
din
Pehle
Ñew year
Wish
Nahi
Kar
Sakta
Kya.?
Wish You
HAPPy new yaer 2014
_______________________
Dear frndz ek baat bolni thi aap sb se..
plzz dnt mind but,,
Jab se naya saal
(2013) shuru hua hai tab se AAP keh rahe hain, ki ye
(do hazaar tera hai)
(do hazaar tera hai)
To mere 2000/- mujhe de kar
Hisab khatam karo na yaar December aa gya
hai, saal poora ho jayega tb doge kya ??
______________________________________
Father :- agar iss bar tum
exam mein fail hue to mujhe
papa mat kehna.
.
.
After exam........
.
Father : How is your result?
.
Son : Dimag ka dahi mat kar
BABULAL tu baap kehlane ka haq
kho chuka hai.
Jiye hue lamho ko zindagi kahte he,
Jo dil ko sukun de usse khushi kahte he,
Jinki yaadon se hothon pe muskaan khile,
Aise hi rishto ko Dosti kehte he!....Gm
GOVT-
jiske 5 bache h usey ghar milega
Santa k 3 the
Wife Se bola padosan ke 2 mere hi hai unko laata hu
La ke bola-apne 3 kaha gye?
WIFE=Jinke the wo le gye!
_______________________________
Sardar continued...
Sardar called customer care:- Ji meri Bhais mera sim khaa
gayi h & bhag gayi.
Customer care:- To hum kya kare..?
Sardar:- Ji ye puchna tha ke roming to nahi legegi..?
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar road pe potty kar raha tha.
Police ne use pakad liya.
Jab use le jaane lage to sardar bola kanoon ke rakhwalon,
saboot to utha lo...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Yaar toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya
h.
Dukardar:- 1 baal toota to naya Q le rahe ho.
Sardar:- Jo tuta h wo akhiri tha...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Bhai 2 ticket dena.
Conductor:- 2 kyu.
Sardar:- 1 kho jaye to dusra kaam ayega.
Conductor:- Agar dono kho gaye to.
Sardar:- Abe fir paas kab kaam ayega.
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardarji jab exam dene gaye to wo apne saath plumber ko kyun
le gaye..?
Kyunki sardarji ko khabar mili thi ki paper leek ho gaya h...
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar flight me pilot ka
headphone cheen raha tha.
Pilot:-Ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Accha ji Ticket hum le aur Gaane tum suno...
🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardarni:- Please
bike tez na chalao mujhe dar lag raha hai.
Sardar:- Agar tujhe bhi dar lag raha h to meri tarah ankhein
band kar le...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ko chand par
bhejne ka faisla hua.
Aadhe raste jakar sardar rocket se kood gaya or chillaya
"kamino aaj to amawasya h, chand to hoga hi nahi...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
1 Sardar ko exam me
koi sawal nahi aata tha to sardar ne har sawal ke neche |||||||||| lines laga
di or likha Scratch kar ke answer padh lo...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ne apni wife ko 1 whisky ka peg diya to wife:-
Chhiiii !! kitna kadva h.
Sardar:- Aur tu sochti h main roz Ash karta hu...
🙊🙊🙊��
1 bar 300 sardar ship me travel kar rahe the lekin sare maar
gaye.
Kese..?
Ship bichme khrab hua to dhaka dene niche uter gaye...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Eak Sardar jungle se ja rha tha to 1 chudail ne use rok ke
kha:-
Hu Hu
Ha Ha Ha... Rukja main chudail hu.
Sardar:- Mainu pata h. Teri 1 behan mere naal hi vyaahi hai.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Eak Sardar hotel me murga khane gaya lekin murge ka english
word bhul gaya.
Waiter:- What do u like to
have sir.?
Sardar:- 1 Plate Egg's father...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar plane land hote hi chillane laga:- Banglore aya
Banglore, Balle balle.
Air hostess:- Hello sir be silent. Plz
Sardar:- Ok, anglore aya anglore,alle alle.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar:- Tum kitne saal se jalebi bana rahe ho..?
Halwai:- 30 saal se.
Sardar:- Badi sharm ki baat h tum se aaj tak jalebi sidhi
nahi bani.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar wrong side car chala rha tha to bola:-
O shit, Aaj phir late ho gaya sare log wapas jaa rahe hai...
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar 1st time plane me baitha. Jaise hi plane ka agla tyre
upar utha sardar pilot ko maarne laga aur
bola:-
Saale main pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar rha hai.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Biwi:- Jab se hum dono ka divorce hua h tab se tum roz mere
ghar ke samne potty kyon kar jate ho.
Sardar:- Tumko ye btane ke tere bina main bhookha nahi maar
raha hu.
🙊🙊🙊🙊
Sardar ne 1 aadmi ko jordar tamacha maar diya.
Aadmi:- Maine kya galti ki hai?
Sardar:- Tum saale galti karo, uske liye hum intezaar thodi
karenge.
Waah kya Logic hai:
.
.
Ram ne Ravan ko maara
(R=R)
Krishna ne Kansa ko;
(K=K)
Godse ne Gandhi ko;
(G=G)
Obama ne Osama ko;
(O:O)
Corruption maarega Congress ko (C=C)
Ab Modi marega Manmohan ko...! (M=M)
Whatsapp creativity. ..
____________________________
★ [ DON,T
FORGET TO SHARE ] ★
A man thanked God for giving him a good wife.
He asked God,
"why did u make my wife so loving & caring?"💖
God
replied: "so that u love her"
The man further asked:
"y did u make her so beautiful and gorgeous
God replied:
"so that u love her"
The man again asked:
"y did u make her an amazing cook"🍕
God
replied: "so that u love her"
The man then angrily asked:😗
"But then y did u make her such a fool😕
God said: "so that she loves u"😎
All wives ROCK
_____________________________
Boy: hey i bought a new i-phone 5
Girl: wow..... Konsi company ka???
Boy(): ja behen
tu ghar ja, reebok ka laya hun...
Ek dum latest....
Air hostes
to Pandit:
Sir,kya lenge?
Pandit-Puri,sabji,khir
aur laddu.
Air
hostess-Sir,aap kingfisher k plane me baithe h,
Vijay malya k shraadh me nahi...
😀
Sonakshi
Sinha knocks on santa's door: Kya aapke toothpaste me namak hai??
Santa: Chal bhaag Moti, ab thodi der me poochegi kya aapke
shampoo me Chaatmasala hai!!!
Sardaar dekha nahi ki shuru ho jaate hain!
Santa to Son: "maths vich fail kyu hoya"..
Son: 1st day teacher kendi 5+3=8..
Agle din kendi 6+2=8..
fir kendi 4+4=8
ullu di pathi khud confusd hai menu ki padaeygi..😛😛
Mom to Children :- Jo meri baat maanega aur muze ulta jawab
nahi dega, usko main Gift dungi
Children :- Lo kar lo baat is tarah to saare gift Papa hi le
jaayenge ...
1 Sardar ne MENDAK se pucha k sardaro me dimag hota h?
Mendk bola-nahi, or pani me kud gaya. Sardar pura din sochta
raha isme SUICIDE karne wali kya baat thi
?
Sir: Define Energy ?
Sardar: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain,
bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Sardar: "and this is called Energy......"
Salesman: Sir, cockroach k liye powder loge kya?
Santa: " Nahi, hum cockroach ko itna laad-pyar nahi
karte! Aaj powder laga denge to kal sala DEO mangega!!
____________________________________